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Never before have I felt an immense pain comparable to losing my grandmother. 18 years of my life have been spent under her wing with my mother. Now that she's gone, I feel as if it signals the end of my childhood. Ma was my life, my childhood. Every good memory that I have of when I was younger usually has her somewhere in it.
Now she's dead.
I've been crying and sinking into depression since the beginning of September when she was placed in a home and seemed to keep taking a turn for the worst. Now it's only hours after the funeral and I don't have any more tears to shed. The depression still lingers, but I feel as if the weight I've had before has shifted somehow. The sharp, seething pain I've felt in my heart has given way to a lingering discomfort that's going to remain for a while, but I know will soon pass.
I can't believe that I'm saying this now, but I feel as if I can accept this.
Seeing my grandmother being lowered into the ground confirmed that I will no longer see her walking up and down the hallway, asleep in her chair, eating in the living room, or singing quietly to herself in the kitchen. I can accept the fact that she is no longer suffering and is at peace.
I will love you forever and always Ma.
You were a grand old dame.
- Mood:
indescribable
Since I would drive myself crazy trying to recap everything that has happened, let's look at a simple equation:
FAP + Theta Xi + Senior Haus + FASAP + Free Food + MITxObvious = (FunxAwesomexHappiness)^nth
Solve for n.
- Mood:
dorky
Am I mad at anyone? No, not at all. I'm just filled with mild disappointment.
And that, is the story of my life.
- Mood:
disappointed
Unfortunately, while under the influence of prescribed post-surgery oxycodone, my attention span seems to be non-existent. Instead, I'll point out the major happenings in my life thus far:
- Started my internship with the New York Times. I'm paid a hell-of-a-lot of money for very little work actually.
- Had oral surgery. All four of my wisdom teeth have been removed at last and I'm now just recovering from the surgery on Thursday.
- Discovered a new love for mod. For some reason, I've fallen in love with Twiggy-esque fashion and have finally decided on getting a sleek bob. More on that on Saturday!
- Discovered that I do not like to be touched. Pretty self-explanatory, don't you think?
- Saw my first musicals ala the New York Times. Sorry RENT, but Spelling Bee completely dominated you in the "Best Show I've Ever Seen So Far" category.
- Made remarkable friends at the Times. I have never met this many extraordinary people at one time and so many that share at least 90% of my interests and situation. Hurrah!
- Written and/or currently writing more stories than I have ever done. This may sound like a stretch to those who actually know me, but I've never written and completed two stories in a small span of time. I'm moving onto the next two chapters and, not making any promises, should be done before I leave for college. Thus bringing me to my last point...
- I have 14 days before I leave for MIT.
So I'm left with this: The last time I'll see my mother is on the 20th. The next time I see her may possibly be in November.
And that non-existent ladies and gentlemen is the crap-shoot I'm left with to endure. But it's not all bad:
Tootles.
- Mood:
awake
Okay I'm back to normal.
A lot has happened since the last time I've posted, but who cares anymore? I'm out of high school and I can finally enjoy my freedom. My grandmother is doing great (she's back to being cranky >_<) so I can relax and not have to worry anymore.
Graduation was pretty good. I didn't actually care about the ceremony, I just cared about seeing all of my friends and my family and enjoying myself. Thankfully we all looked very nice and clean. For once those other girls didn't look like prostitutes. I'm so proud of them ^_^.
On Saturday, my aunt and two of my cousins took me around town just for the heck of it. Then I dragged them to Tomo's so that all of us could get Bento Boxes. Sadly, I couldn't turn them onto the ways of the sushi, but I was close. Thankfully they liked the salmon teriyaki and the rice.
Today, I was supposed to go to Six Flags with the crew, but of course I didn't get to go. I kind of knew that something would happen from the beginning. I knew my mother didn't like the fact that we were taking a bus there by ourselves to and fro with other people. Since I'm also getting over a horrific cold, my mother has some innate fear that I'm going to get sicker and end up in the hospital. I just wished she told me earlier. That way I wouldn't have to hear Norma's disappointed voice on the phone at 6:30 in the morning...
Well, whatever. I have about a couple of weeks to hang out with everyone before we all branch off into the nether regions of the world.
I guess the plus side of the day is that I saved $57 by not going to Six Flags. Thanks Geico!
- Mood:
bored
Until then, I'll be waiting for her to be healthy again.
- Mood:
worried
Hello all, I have finally awakened from my two month coma and have returned to the land of the mentally stable. Isn't that wonderful?
Between now and the last time I posted, a lot of random, and sometimes cool, crap has happened to me. It would take me a couple of hours to record everything, so I'm not going to do that.
Instead here's a quick list of events:
1. Won the NY Times Scholarship. Pretty sure I said that before, but what the hell.
2. Received a full scholarship to MIT.
3. Went to Stacey's awesome sleepover.
4. Discovered that I truly cannot wait until August 21st.
Now number five is too important for me to just list. I must explain it to the world. No, I must shout it to the world.
Oh yeah, if anyone is wondering, chapter three will be coming soon. I really promise it this time!
*UPDATE!!!* I GOT A NEW PHONE!!!!!! Omg it's sexy!!! *cough* Okay I'm done ^_^
- Mood:
jubilant
I was overloaded on candy all day. If I get a cavity or excessive blood sugar, I have my lovely friends to blame :P. Received massive hugs and ruined Norma's surprise hug (had to turn around and act like I didn't see her so that she could attack me. Payback for me attacking her Monday for her kick-ass show at Fordham hehe).
Came back home, went to AP Calc tutoring. Was attacked by Becky and Jason with even more massive hugs. I think one of my ribs are broken...
Came back home for the final time and ate a huge piece of one of the most decadent chocolate-frosted golden cake ever. I think it got me high since I crashed from a sugar rush 5 minutes after finishing it o_O.
Just imagine...in three years I'll be 21 yrs old and in my third year at MIT. Life is good.
"What a minute, that's not my vagina!" ~ Nova in Health class
- Mood:
excited
Met up with Norma downtown to catch Pan's Labyrinth. On the way, some old woman on the bus said I had a lovely "cell-phone voice." Caught the movie and enjoyed all of it's greatness. It was an awesome adult fairy tale where pregnant women bleed to death, men have their faces smashed in with beer bottles, and little girls are shot in the stomach. Such a whimsical movie!
Afterwards went Norma came with me to Borders to buy this great notebook so that I can write my slashy fics (hehehe) and look at the store's readily available books on Carma Sutra: Autoerotic Sex, How to Be a Stripper, and The Book of Sex all in the front of the store.
Later, we went to the fanciest McDonald's ever in existence. The tables were clean; there were Renaissance paintings on the wall; and a real Pianist. An honest to God piano player in McDonald's. And I thought I've seen it all...
Caught the train home and met an anal rententive bitch. Norma zoomed onto the train in order to grab some seats. Somewhere on the way, an anorexic bobble-head with eyes the size of dinner plates stops in front of Norma and said "That was so rude." Norma's response: a shrug, a "Yeah I know", and a fuck-off facial expression. My response: attempts to keep from laughing too hard. The entire ride, this woman keeps looking at us. She was so enamored by our beautiful, girlish skin that she couldn't look away. There was one point when her eyes irritated me so much, that I just had to stop, glare at her, shake my head, and keep right on talking. Even when she got off the train, the tramp wouldn't stop staring at us. She's probably going to call her boyfriend to bitch and moan. Poor guy...
"If that's his salami, does that mean the woman will be making mayonnaise?"
- Mood:
mischievous
